Us!

I have read this particular comic strip atleast fifty times and each time I have said to myself "Oh Calvin, how accurate!" I find this somehow the best possible explanation of the hitherto unbeknownst four-lettered word. Love! It is, in fact, all that keeps us from strangling the subject(s) of our affections most of the times. Probably this is also the only reason that has kept me from strangling him all these years. Love.

People say, the best thing that can happen to someone is to have their full-time friend as their part-time lover. It makes life a lot easier and comfortable. However, what people never tell you is that it comes with its fair shares of "you-already-knew-this-about-me" and "you-used-to-be-so-much-better-when-we-were-friends" arguments during fights. Also, when that person happens to be someone like him, it takes a lot of hard work to remain sane!

For one, he is the weirdest person I have EVER come across. When we had just started our relationship, one of his male friends would accompany us often on our dates and it just irritated the hell out of me. I always thought that people craved to be alone with their sweethearts, atleast during the initial days of dating. But the guy had proved me wrong, and how! I always thought being slightly possessive about your girlfriend, saying mushy stuff once in a while, expressing emotions vocally, giving compliments, doing some occasional PDA are normal! But then he excelled at being super-oblivious to my demands and did what he was best at, be confidently weird!

We were great friends before we started dating, which is another story altogether and would be part of the autobiography years later. When friends would ask us how we met and got to know each other at our infamous maths tuition, I would talk incessantly for hours on end giving out all the juicy details, while he would sit there and pass some sarcastic remarks. In response, I would paste a "plastic" smile on the face, while mentally cursing him and regretting the moment I decided to take the plunge into the sea of criticism for the rest of my life. However, on other days, he would randomly say that how much he enjoys being in the hometown with family and friends, it feels incomplete without the daily evening meetings at 8B now that I wasn't there. On these  rare events I would feel the heart flutter, realising that I have fallen in love all over again :)

I remember when we used to talk at night over phone, he would just say "hmm" "achha" "sunchi toh" every once in a while. I always knew that he was not listening a word and was busy browsing the channels or doing something else; and when I would would ask him what I had said for the last ten minutes he would just make those terribly cute puppy sounds and apologize. And in case you are wondering, he would go back to the same "hmm"s a minute later :-|

I remember when we were dating in Calcutta, he would always keep me waiting for hours. I would arrive at our chosen place, albeit late, and call him only to know that he had just started from home/college. In the mean time, I would rehearse the choicest of words that I would say to him once he arrived. But then he would arrive with an angelic face and the most innocent smile and it would instantly melt my heart and made me forget the last half an hour of silent cursing.

Once, when we were living in different cities, I made up a story and told him that I was in love with someone else. I just wanted to see his reaction, expecting that he would probably create a lot of drama about it. However, he never asked me how I could do this to him, or what he would do now. He was just silent for awhile and then said to me "If that's what makes you happy, I'll be okay with it!" How I wanted to strangle him at that moment! I thought it didn't matter to him if I would be with someone else. I thought he didn't love me enough.

There are thousand other instances when I want to kill him; for speaking sarcasm as the first language, for being the biggest narcissist and thinking that I am an emotionally screwed up and immature person who is ALWAYS wrong, for taking me for granted, for not wanting to go out even when we are together and preferring to watch movies or talk instead, for not being ultra romantic on anniversaries or special days, for being so practical most of the time, for criticizing Aamir knowing that it bugs me to no extent, for never giving me a single compliment, for irritating me with those snide remarks about almost everything and then trying stupid tricks to pacify me, for never expressing emotions and for those innumerable instances when I am annoyed by his mere existence.

However, there are thousand-and-one reasons for loving him, reasons that are unknown to me. I always tell him, "there's not a single other piece like you in the whole world". But now I know that the best things in life , indeed, come in a single piece :)

So thank you PD for everything that you have done (and not done!), thank you for loving me with all my imperfections, thank you for being there when I am feeling low (and suicidal) and thank you for bringing an important person into my life whom I now consider a prized possession. Happy anniversary!

Thunderstorm in Jena

Staying alone can be pretty scary at times. It becomes scarier when you stay in a quiet building on the hills, with big trees and bushes at the back. However, it gets worse when all these are accompanied by thunderstorms! Some people tend to enjoy the creepy feeling and the sudden doses of lightning. Some people are too preoccupied to even notice them. And some people find this an excuse to cuddle with loved ones. I thought I belonged to the first category, and partially to the third. But never did I think that a time would come when I would be scared of them. So, in an attempt to stay calm and not think about these devilish lightnings, I sit here and.. well.. write about thunderstorms! 

I remember running out to the balcony whenever there was a thunderstorm back home. The roar of thunder, those lightning flashes and later the torrential downpour intrigued me to no extent. Baba accompanied me often outside, while Ma and brother always remained cuddled inside. There's a common saying in Bengali which goes like this: "jhawr hole sankh banja" which literally means "in times of thunderstorms, blow the conch shells". As a kid, I never understood the correlation between these two. It was only in my teens that I got to know what the saying actually signifies. In our culture, conch shells are viewed as having distinctive spiritual qualities. It is believed that the sound emitted from the conch shell shall dispel any surrounding negative energy and purify the environment. Back home, whenever there was a thunderstorm, one could hear conch shells being blown in every house and then gradually the thunderstorm would stop! On most of these days, Ma made 'khichuri' afterwards with fried eggs and aubergines and we savored every last morsel. Sadly, the next day would always be a mess, with reports on fallen trees, destroyed roofs, broken wires, damaged buildings and injured people. In the last one and a half years that I have been in Germany, I have never experienced such a thunderstorm. Rains are quite a rarity here, let alone storms and lightning.  However, today was strangely different from all other days with almost an hour of thunderstorm. Maybe it's sole intention was to scare me and then teach me how not be scared even when I was alone and had no one beside. Or maybe to teach me how to stay calm and keep the mind distracted, rather than calling up friends for compassionate comfort. 

Whatever it was, it seemed to work pretty fine. I never realized when the thunderstorm and lightnings stopped and the sky cleared :) One more lesson in self-dependence passed!! 

You!

A greyish rainy afternoon, a large cup of coffee, research journals lying around, twenty tabs opened on the office desktop and I sit here and write about YOU!

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Presents are always special. So is the anticipation. They become more special when they are sent from across the oceans. They become even more special when they constitute books by favorite authors. But when they come in bubble wraps, bliss! 

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Not many would know that I have been into painting since childhood. Going to the drawing class, every Sunday, from 5 o'clock -7 o'clock in the afternoon was something I used to look forward to the whole week. Of all the things that I loved to draw, portraits topped the list. As a kid, I always asked Baba to buy me those sketch-books where they had pencil sketches of very well-known historical figures and I used to spend hours and days drawing them. Over the years, sketching portraits of historical figures gave way to portraits of role models, cricketers, TV and movie actors. But in all these years, never did I make a portrait of myself. I always had this wish that someone would make a portrait of me which I would then frame and hang up on the wall. 

After so many years, finally my wish has come true. I now have a sketch of myself, and ecstatic is the word I am looking for to decribe how I feel right now!

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I love writing long posts/mails/letters/messages. I love reading them even more. I have been a voracious reader since childhood, reading everything I could lay my hands on, and enjoyed almost equally penning down my thoughts in diaries. While there is no substitute for books, sometimes I craved for a looong mail or a letter which I could read on days like these. However since the last two-three years, I haven't. The cravings were met even before they became a craving. Small happinesses, I say :)

And when such a long letter arrives with a hand-written one, or with a cricket headband, 'small happiness' turns an understatement. 

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In the entire post, I haven't mentioned you even once. That's weird given that I intended to write mushy things about you and that how lucky I am to have you. Maybe this is because I fail miserably at re-iterations and voicing emotions. However, I know that you would know that IT IS indeed about you and that I don't have to write mushy things to describe you! Just a single word is enough for that!

Soulmate :)

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P.S. I cannot thank you enough for the gifts, and the thoughts you have put in to make each of them special.  I loved them, each one of them. I feel blessed to have you and to be loved and cared by you. I do not know where life will take us, but if I had the power to control destiny, I would never ever let you go. However difficult the circumstances are. And sorry for being such a rude and selfish giant on the 23rd's, Jan and April 2013.

The rest, you know.

(This somehow reminded me of the last scene of 'Marley and Me'. When the dog dies and is being burried, everyone takes turn to say something or the other to the dog, as a final note of love and affection, to proclaim how much they loved the dog. The eldest kid, who the dog was closest to, just says "He knows". One of the best closing lines in a movie that I absolutely loved!!)

All I can say is that the moments spent with you are what I call a kaleidoscope :) :)