Off late, I have been going through this no-time-to-write phase, given the upcoming yearly seminar in a couple of weeks (which also marks the beginning of the third, and final, year of this damned PhD)! Quite evidently, I feel pretty much frustrated, irritated, in dire need of some sleep, praying for extra hours in a day, and not to mention the (n-1)th time questioning-myself as to why I started this PhD in the first place.
I mean, this was not even the plan! I was never extraordinarily brilliant in studies, so my professional aspirations were also limited to a great extent throughout my school (and college) life. Studying till a certain age, experiencing love, having wonderful friends, getting married at 25, starting a family by 28, having a good job, traveling extensively, being satisfied with life by 30.. everything had seemed so simple back then. Half a decade later, the plan seems to have gone for a toss. On days like today, when I feel that the whole world is conspiring against me :-/, I take a deep breath and wish that I had stuck to the plan. I see 'got-married-to.../going-on-weekend-trips-with-friends../got-a-promotion' posts on Facebook ceremoniuosly piling up everyday, and sometimes I feel a tinge of jealousy. On days like today, I wish I had a family to pamper me when I complained about, well, everything; had someone waiting for me when I returned home (with a huge smile and a big slice of chocolate cake, ah); had eventful weekends with friends; had a clearer picture of the life after PhD, and had less things to worry about. But, strangely, on most other days I feel happy that I have not stuck to the plan. Doing this PhD, living thousands of miles away from family and friends, staying alone in a spooky apartment on the hills, having no time or energy to cook and therefore eating salad or bread for dinner on most days, didn't help a bit in accomplishing the things I had planned for. However, they taught me a great deal about reality and life. And ofcourse, that plans, how much full-proof and well constructed they might be, never ever work! :D
Hey Ipsita! Don't worry all will be fine soon!
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, keep the faith!
Do read this:
http://anitaexplorer.blogspot.in/2013/10/this-too-shall-pass.html
Hope you get to execute your plans!
All d best for your PhD! :)
thanks so much for sharing the post! It's not only wonderfully written, but it made me smile and realize that it's just a passing phase which too shall pass :)
DeleteMaybe you will realise eventually that your current plan is/was/'ve always been better than "the plan" that you failed to execute. And then again there has to be uncertainty in life , what's the fun if things go as planned. Right?
ReplyDeleteAs anita mentioned in the above comment : This too shall pass & things wil certainly fall back into place. Till then don't you worry Ipsita& try finding good nd worth smiling for..in your current situation..that ought to help a bit :)
thanks for the motivational words Nikhil! I already feel better :)
DeleteYou Know We really can't plan LIfe,Instead we must adapt ourselves to Life..This is just a Passing Phase of your life...And Remember to enjoy each and every moment in life... :)
ReplyDeleteoh yes! :D thanks Harsha.
DeleteWell, plans don't always work out. But they say whatever happens, happens for a good reason.. :)
ReplyDeleteNice post... :)
:)
DeleteI can totally relate to what you are going through. Especially with the Facebook bit :) then things changed. My daughter was born...when that one thing fell into place all else seemed to follow...am sure it will happen to you too. Like u said...its just a phase...all the very best to you :)
ReplyDeletethank you so much! you guys already are making me feel way better than before :)
Delete