The plan

Off late, I have been going through this no-time-to-write phase, given the upcoming yearly seminar in a couple of weeks (which also marks the beginning of the third, and final, year of this damned PhD)! Quite evidently, I feel pretty much frustrated, irritated, in dire need of some sleep, praying for extra hours in a day, and not to mention the (n-1)th time questioning-myself as to why I started this PhD in the first place. 

I mean, this was not even the plan! I was never extraordinarily brilliant in studies, so my professional aspirations were also limited to a great extent throughout my school (and college) life. Studying till a certain age, experiencing love, having wonderful friends, getting married at 25, starting a family by 28, having a good job, traveling extensively, being satisfied with life by 30.. everything had seemed so simple back then. Half a decade later, the plan seems to have gone for a toss. On days like today, when I feel that the whole world is conspiring against me :-/, I take a deep breath and wish that I had stuck to the plan. I see 'got-married-to.../going-on-weekend-trips-with-friends../got-a-promotion' posts on Facebook ceremoniuosly piling up everyday, and sometimes I feel a tinge of jealousy. On days like today, I wish I had a family to pamper me when I complained about, well, everything; had someone waiting for me when I returned home (with a huge smile and a big slice of chocolate cake, ah); had eventful weekends with friends; had a clearer picture of the life after PhD, and had less things to worry about. But, strangely, on most other days I feel happy that I have not stuck to the plan. Doing this PhD, living thousands of miles away from family and friends, staying alone in a spooky apartment on the hills, having no time or energy to cook and therefore eating salad or bread for dinner on most days, didn't help a bit in accomplishing the things I had planned for. However, they taught me a great deal about reality and life. And ofcourse, that plans, how much full-proof and well constructed they might be, never ever work! :D

The Liebster Award

Let me begin this post by thanking Bhavana Lalwani (Life with pen and papers) who has nominated my blog for the Liebster Award. Apart from the fact that I am absolutely overwhelmed and can't thank her enough, I feel a big inverted-rainbow across my face right now. My first ever nomination for an award, and what more, given by a fellow blogger who has liked my blog! Clearly, my day is made :)

So before explaining the rules, let me just briefly mention what in the world this Liebster award is about! Liebster is a German word (which I had no clue about, even after staying in Germany for the past two years) which means sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued etc (Wikipedia, you rock!) It is an award given to new and budding bloggers who have less than 200 followers, as a way to boost their reputation in the blogging community! 

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Here are the rules:

1) Each nominee must thank and link back the person who nominated them.

2) Answer the 10 questions given to you by the nominator.

3) Nominate 10 other bloggers for this award who have less than 200 followers.

4) Create 10 questions for your nominees to answer.

5) Let the nominees know that they have been nominated by notifying them.

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Here are the answers to the ten questions that Bhavana has asked:

If you become India’s Prime Minister for one day, then what would be your first three decisions?

Being an economist who has seen how this world works from a closer distance, I would say (in no particular order), provision of education- not just basic, but atleast through high-secondary- to everyone so that they can make decisions not based on their blind beliefs and religious orthodoxies but on sound logic and understanding, complete elimination of child labor, and improvement of the sanitation system.

If the whole world fall asleep for one day except you and you are free to go anywhere and take anything, then where will you go and what things you would like to take?

Have never thought about this one. But now when I think about it, I would never really want the whole world to fall asleep even for a day. Being a garrulous person who talks incessantly, I believe I would suffocate if I would find no one to talk to. So, if I have to answer that question, I would say I would just sleep and then wake up when the rest of the world (or atleast one person) wakes up :D

Name your biggest fear.

Loneliness.

What is your idea of a dream vacation?

Somewhere in the mountains, where silences speak. The rest.. spontaneity :)

Do you believe in love at first sight?

No! Over the years I have realized that love is more than just first sight. So, no.

If you have given the freedom/power to rewrite some chapters of your life then, which things you would like to change or correct?

I am very tempted to name a few impromptu decisions and embarrassing mistakes that I had made. But then given the fact that life is a learning curve, I would not actually want to rewrite any part of my life; afterall those impromptu decisions and embarrassing mistakes have made me who I am today (a cliché, but very apt nevertheless).

Which film or novel or the character (you recently have read/watch) has impressed you most and why?

The one film that I have recently watched and have been clearly impressed is Julie & Julia. And why? Here is the reason why :)

Do you think or believe that the cyber world (social networking) can bring true and worthy relationships in our life? Please give a little explanation.

Yes. I have seen friends around me finding their soulmates through this cyber world. Love means understanding and being able to communicate properly, whatever the medium be. However, I personally do not see something like that happening for me. 

If you are given a chance to live someone else’s life for one week then, who would be that person and why?

I am intrigued by only one person in this world, who puzzles me to no extent. Time and again, I have thought what it is to be like him, to think the way he thinks, to feel the way he feels, the way he perceives a particular situation etc. We are poles apart in the way we think, which is why I often wish if I could get into his head. Wall-P, he is. 

Define the biggest ambition/dream of your life in one sentence.

To live a complete and happy life with people I love.

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Here are my ten nominations for the award:

Being Mommee..Love It. Like It. Live It.

Tes AP

The K- Factor

Tangled Vibes

Haute Kutir

My World of Food and Travel

Let Beauty be Your Constant Ideal

Labyrinths of Life

The Explorer of Miracles

Stir Your Souls

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And finally, here are my ten questions (the first ten questions that came to my head :D)

1) Three words that describe you the best.

2) Tea or Coffee?

3) Name one feature in you that you don't like. Could be physical, emotional, psychological, whatever. 

4) If you could travel anywhere in the world and money was no object, where would you go and why?

5) What's the first word/thing that comes to your mind when I say 'rain'?

6) Mountains or Sea?

7) Your take on First love? Do you believe that first love, like every first, is special?

8) The next thing on your to-purchase list?

9) Why do you blog?

10) The one thing that you would like to change about your city?

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Looking forward to many more interesting posts from you! Write on :)

A movie night

So, it wasn't the best of days today. I woke up late with a bad headache, tried to make chili tofu for lunch (a substitute for chili paneer that looks similar but sadly tastes different) which turned out to be not half as good as I wanted it to be, went out to buy grocery and instead ended up buying dozens of chocolates (and eating them all too, well almost), freaked out over work, felt demotivated, frustrated, and when nothing helped, slept. And then, the guy asked me to watch a movie. Julie & Julia. A movie on cooking, and Julia Child (the American cook who made French cooking hugely popular in the US). He said he liked it and I would love it too. Given that I have never been particularly fond of cooking and was already having a bad-cooking day, I wasn't sure if it was my kind of a movie or the right time to watch a movie, on anything. But then I just decided to watch it, partly because the guy who recommended it has a very good taste in movies and partly because I had nothing else to do. And, boy, o boy, did I love it!

The movie is a comedy-drama that contrasts the lives of two characters, set in two different time periods, but sharing a common love, a love for food. Basically, it gives a taste of the early years of Julia Child's (portrayed by Meryl Streep) career as a culinary expert on one hand, and the life of a young American writer (played by Amy Adams) who tries to find solace in cooking on the other. It's a simple yet a very well made movie, with a simple story-line, and some great acting. However, what sets it apart from most movies is that it a classic feel-good film that fills your heart with much happiness and never lets the smile leave your face. Also, the fact that it is entirely about food and the joys associated with (cooking and) eating good food, makes it so enjoyable. I don't remember the last time I watched a film that made me forget the events of a not-so-glorious day and made me hungry at 2 o'clock in the morning (the movie is all about delicious recipes and cooking, and therefore do not watch it on an empty stomach!). I could go on and on about the movie and what I liked about it, but I restrain myself from being another Wikipedia, and a spoilsport. So, I leave it at this and would really recommend others to watch it if you haven't already. Meryl Streep is a treat to the eyes, and if not for anything, watch it for her. She's a delight. Amy Adams, whom I didn't know before watching this movie, is also pretty good and very real-life like. Also, that most part of the movie is set in Paris (the place I consider heaven or close to heaven) makes it even more special. All in all, I think the movie has already climbed high up on my list of happy films and has put my soul at peace, finally :)

Stressbusters

Working late into the night in the office and trying desperately to find a research article from a heap of journals, you suddenly come across these. Small things that instantly pull the sides of the lips to a wide U (or a V)!

Months-old envelope sent from across the oceans on birthday. Reminds of happy moments and bubble wraps, followed by melancholic after-thoughts.

Half a year old train ticket, bought in Spain, en-route to a monastery with a friend. Realizations about being fortunate enough to have seen so many places. Smiles from ear-to-ear.

A filled-in diary given as a present a couple of years ago. Hand-written letters, memories galore and a spark in the eyes. Mixed emotions.

A picture of Calcutta while browsing randomly through Facebook. That heart-skipped-a-beat moment followed by the umpteenth-time realization that the City runs in the blood.

Instant stress-busters, I call them!  :-)

Fall colors

In school, we were often asked to prepare essays on 'Seasons of India' for our final exams. Given my limited writing potential, I would always ask Ma to write them for me and I would just memorize them and pour them out word-by-word in the exams. She would write about the six seasons- distinctively differentiating them with respect to the changes in weather, arrival of new fruits, vegetables, flowers and festivals. So while dub-er-jol (coconut-water) was a thing of Summer, pithe-puli (a Bengali dessert prepared with coconut and milk) would mean that Spring was round the corner. While unending rains would mean Monsoon, Durga Puja would mean Autumn and lightened up cathedrals and decorated Christmas trees would mean the arrival of Winter. No wonder, I started identifying the seasons not from the drop or rise in temperature but from the various activities and 'add-ons' they were associated with.

In Germany, however, seasons are different. They look and feel different too. Summer here means barbecue, beach volleyball, sunbathing and short dresses all around. Winter, which is painfully long, means intense cold, heavy snowfall, frozen nose, glühwein (mulled wine) and long overcoats and thick jackets. Winter also means Christmas markets, lights and candles and Christmas trees everywhere, and, gifts. Monsoon is vastly different from what we mean by Monsoon in India, and is marked by tiny patches of light to medium rains, severely cold winds and gloomy faces. Autumn, on the other hand, means unending Pujo posts on Facebook by friends back home, snapshots of the cloudless blue sky and kash-ful everywhere, Durga idols in the making, and acute homesickness. Maybe that is why, Autumn in Germany comes with a big dose of colors, that instantly lifts up the mood and partially takes away the pain of not being at home.

 

These pictures were taken while hiking with an ordinary phone camera, which, however did not manage to take away the essence of Autumn a bit :-)

This one I noticed a couple of days ago while coming back from the University. Red leaves adorning a window-sill. Colors never looked more pretty.

These were taken when I first came to Germany (strangely, it was in Autumn) two years back and decided to take a walk by myself in the hills one Sunday. Although I had no clue what awaited me, I was clearly bowled over. The sights mesmerized me, and I realized perhaps for the first time what Autumn meant. It meant a treat to the eyes.

This one, I used to pass by everyday while going to the University. The first time I saw it, it still had green leaves and I didn't give it a second look. But then the colors started changing and in a matter of just two months, the green leaves gave way to these dark yellow leaves. I wondered how something could look so beautiful and realized that Autumn, with its red and yellowish trees, fallen leaves everywhere, nice cold days, occasional blue sky, and, happy faces, did make up for the homesickness in the end :-)

Goosebumps

Just when you start thinking that life is full of shit because of personal shortcomings and non-fulfillment of trivial expectations, you come across something that makes you fall in love with life once again.

A busy day, a crowded canteen, young students chatting about latest gadgets, movies, women and researchers sitting and discussing about work, papers and journal submissions over cups of coffee. In the middle of all that, you suddenly notice a young couple at the far end of the table, engrossed in themselves. You don't give them a second look until you notice that the woman is covered from head to toe in what seems like a specially-made dress for patients, is completely paralyzed and sitting on a huge wheelchair with her head being supported by a metallic rod attached to it. Next to her, sits the guy, sipping coffee and cutting a large sandwich into tiny pieces. Once done, he takes up those small pieces one by one and starts feeding the girl, while gently stroking her paralyzed hands. You watch them in amazement, with tiny drops of water forming in your eyes. You struggle to concentrate on the discussion going on in front and realize that life surprises you the most when you least expect it!

Deadlines

I recently came across this picture on Facebook and let out a loud gasp. What a perfect way of depiction, I thought!

Deadline. One of the nastiest words ever invented and the most-frequently-used word I have come across in the last two years of my PhD life. From paper submissions to conference registrations, from assignment correction to course enrollment, this one word has been the be-all-and-end all of my existance. No wonder the office wall (now and forever) overflows with deadline notices, twenty notifications on the notice board stare back, conversations with colleagues almost always revolve around it, and I question myself for the umpteenth time what made me lose my sanity and decide to go into research!

When I started my PhD, two things amazed me to no extent. The #1 was seeing people talking about work and more work during lunch, dinner meets, social gatherings, parties, football matches, concerts and what not. I often wondered if they were crazy nerds whose lives always revolved around work and therefore they had nothing else to talk about or if they really enjoyed talking about work. The #2 was finding people never even caring about those well defined '9-6' office hours and sitting in their offices almost the entire day. Again, I thought of the same two reasons as I did for the first observation. People would often tell me that I would never know when I would start doing the same, and it'd made me laugh. After being in research for almost two years, I now know how absolutely right they were and how ignorant I was. Also, I have realized that there exists a third reason that surpasses the first two in terms of importance- the inability to abide by deadlines, and therefore compelled to #1 and #2.

From my experience, the entire before and after process of 'please-submit/register-by-#date-midnight' has been pretty simple and patterned. Ten days before the deadline, you are as relaxed as a multimillionaire cruising the Atlantic with beer in one hand and a gorgeous woman on the other. Five days before, you are as relaxed as an on-budget traveler traveling across Europe while calculating the daily expenses every minute. One day before, you are as relaxed as a minister the night before the election. You forget to eat, miss phone calls, check the watch every two seconds and panic every second while hoping against hope that everything will work out. You see the office lights of colleagues switched on till almost midnight (and ofcourse also your own), you hear the brewing sound of the coffee machine at wee hours, you get Skype messages from other ill-fated PhD students about why one should never do a PhD, you realize your heart rate going sky-high ten minutes before midnight, you curse yourself for wasting so much time during the day/week/month/year, you swear to God to finish pending work a week before the deadline from next time, and when nothing works, you cry in frustration. Then, if magically you somehow manage to submit/register before the deadline, you feel a strange calmness caressing you and paralyzing you for the next thirty days, until the next deadline arrives. And the process starts all over again.

When Ma used to lecture me on my inability to be disciplined and be on-time, I would always tell her that these things would normalize automatically when I grow up, claiming as if being older and wiser were correlated with being disciplined. Now when I see myself braving those innumerable panic attacks as I did a decade ago, albeit now on a bigger scale, I tell myself that these things would normalize automatically when I would really grow up, always knowing in my heart that one grows up by choice, and not by chance!